shine

So, officially today, I woke up hungover, alone, sad, hurt, embarrassed and with the blaring realization that I have been misled and used up and (worse) allowed myself to be manipulated. This isn’t going to be a post about blame. I take full responsibility for everything that has happened or hasn’t happened in my life. There are broken people in this world. I’m no stranger to that. There are head cases and damaged souls. The part that bothers me, is that I didn’t love myself enough to stand up from the beginning and say ‘no.’

Actually, that’s not entirely true. I tried to say no. A couple times. But I guess I didn’t trust that I knew the answers already. I didn’t trust that I really did deserve better. I won’t make that mistake again.

You know, I’m not sure about this relationship stuff. Most times, I honestly think it’s more trouble than it’s worth. But I still believe that there is greatness out there waiting for me. Somewhere inside, after everything, I still believe. That’s my soul, shining right on through the debris.

Hope.

It’s a beautiful thing.

I have allowed myself to be steered off course the last 6 weeks. When I opened my eyes this morning I knew that I’d gone the wrong way. I’m not utilizing my time correctly. I’m not following the lighted paths. I’ve known it too but I wasn’t listening.

It’s been a tough day but also a great one because now I can finally try to put myself in a place where my soul can shine, not through garbage and debris, but out in the world, bright as the morning sun, saying to the world

"this is me, I am loved, and life is beautiful."