A little over a month ago I think, I mentioned what I call my GA’s (otherwise known as Guardian Angels).
I had a really fitful night’s sleep last night for a million reasons. My mind was racing. I don’t like conflict. In fact, I absolutely hate it. I will fight if I have to but most times, I cut my losses and I walk away and disappear into the twilight somewhere.
I’m in the middle of conflict right now. A part of me just wants to chase the twilight and disappear from it all, turn a corner completely (and if I know me, that’s probably what I’ll end up doing) but right now, I feel really vulnerable. I feel bad. I wish that things were different. Sometimes I think that certain combinations of people just don’t bring out the good in eachother. It’s a tough lesson but in that case, what else can you do but walk away and try not to look back?
Why drag it out? Right?
Why fight for something that I’m not sure was really working anyway?
I don’t know what the answer is.
I just have to listen to myself and trust that I’m going in the right direction.
Oh, so anyway, back to the GA’s.
I dreamed all night long. The dream started really badly. I won’t go into details but I’ll just say that the images and the circumstances were tortuous for me.
Then just as suddenly, the dream switched. Luke was there. We shared this apartment filled with beautiful things we made with our own hands out of random household goods (paintings and curtains and furniture, colors colors colors). It was snowing outside and we had a ski ramp in our living room (I don’t know either…it’s a dream, what can I say?) and people were snowboarding down the slope.
He was moving out.
And I was really sad about it.
I kept looking around and around at all the things we’d made together and I didn’t want to be alone in that house.
He took me by the hands and gave me a bear hug that lasted for hours and all my anxieties went away and I was finally safe.
Luke – I’ve had your album on repeat this weekend. Music is a healer. You’re soul is an inspiration. Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining my crew of Angels.
Gotta love those angels, man!
I’m in good hands now.
I had a really fitful night’s sleep last night for a million reasons. My mind was racing. I don’t like conflict. In fact, I absolutely hate it. I will fight if I have to but most times, I cut my losses and I walk away and disappear into the twilight somewhere.
I’m in the middle of conflict right now. A part of me just wants to chase the twilight and disappear from it all, turn a corner completely (and if I know me, that’s probably what I’ll end up doing) but right now, I feel really vulnerable. I feel bad. I wish that things were different. Sometimes I think that certain combinations of people just don’t bring out the good in eachother. It’s a tough lesson but in that case, what else can you do but walk away and try not to look back?
Why drag it out? Right?
Why fight for something that I’m not sure was really working anyway?
I don’t know what the answer is.
I just have to listen to myself and trust that I’m going in the right direction.
Oh, so anyway, back to the GA’s.
I dreamed all night long. The dream started really badly. I won’t go into details but I’ll just say that the images and the circumstances were tortuous for me.
Then just as suddenly, the dream switched. Luke was there. We shared this apartment filled with beautiful things we made with our own hands out of random household goods (paintings and curtains and furniture, colors colors colors). It was snowing outside and we had a ski ramp in our living room (I don’t know either…it’s a dream, what can I say?) and people were snowboarding down the slope.
He was moving out.
And I was really sad about it.
I kept looking around and around at all the things we’d made together and I didn’t want to be alone in that house.
He took me by the hands and gave me a bear hug that lasted for hours and all my anxieties went away and I was finally safe.
Luke – I’ve had your album on repeat this weekend. Music is a healer. You’re soul is an inspiration. Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining my crew of Angels.
Gotta love those angels, man!
I’m in good hands now.
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