- My Bucket List -

So I just watched the bucket list and was inspired to make my own list after finishing the movie. For those of you who haven't heard of this, basically a Bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket. Get it?

So, here goes:

1. Become someone's wife (aka marry my best friend).

2. Throw the kind of party that people talk about for decades after.

3. Become someone's mother.

4. Stand in front of someone completely naked and still be able to smile.

5. Drink tequila with KC on his boat in St. John.

6. Get ONE picture of myself with those Winchester Boys.

7. Have my stories and characters move millions of people.

8. Live in an old house that I helped restore on lots and lots of land and make it completely Green (as in Earth-Friendly).

9. Buy a Jet Black jeep Wrangler.

10. Learn how to build something with my own two hands (restore an old car, build furniture, plant a garden).

11. Hold hands with a surfer or a cowboy or a surfer/cowboy during sunset (just once).

12. Sing harmony with a famous person.

13. buy a kick ass pair of cowboy boots.

14. Sit on a movie set (just once) and watch them shoot.

15. Drive cross-country.

16. See Africa in person.

17. Be able to quit working for other people by the time I'm 40 and finally do my own thing.

18. Go on an Earthwatch trip.

19. Drive down the West Coast, from Seattle to LA.

20. Fit into size 10 jeans.

July

It’s a month brimming with love, relationships and emotional connections thanks to Jupiter and Venus getting together. Saturn, your ruler, in Virgo, is also visited by Mars and this throws down the gauntlet for you, Capricorn. You are someone who always get to the top, but leave preconceptions at the door this month, shed some old skins and old ideals that you hold dear. Try to see a different side to things, this is part of the challenge. New people may filter into your life and you’ll need to be a bit more flexible to accommodate them. You are purposeful in thinking and action and especially when others need your help but perhaps this month it’s your turn to be looked after. Think about it. Venus in Leo turns transformation on its head. You’ll experience new feelings and new highs. It’s not about talking a good game - you’ll have to show them and your passions could run to such a pitch, you’ll feel so alive as a result. If you’ve said never again about love, you’re in for a shock. You’ll attract a strong relationship and once the sun moves into Leo, it’s about long term financial planning too. Shake the way you think. It’s good for you.

The world I see...

...when I close my eyes, is suddenly on it's way. I can feel it! (wink, wink)

I've been talking about this visualization thing for months and months. I made my vision boards (two actually). I meditated (though not very diligently I'm afraid). I purged A LOT of negative energy (and that's still a work in progress). I took some risks. I accepted things as they were and found some peace.

And now, you ask?

Well, now I think things just might be starting to come my way. Things in my head. Things I've kept quiet for a long, long time.

It's different for everyone, I know. I mean, people want different things. But the way it works is pretty simple. That is, if you're willing to slow down enough to do some real, honest to goodness, self reflection.

Here's what I've learned:

1. You're intentions have to be pure. They absolutely cannot from a place of need. A place in

'the shallows' (a term I just stole from Martha Beck by the way). Basically that means that if you are projecting a desire from a place of desperation or fear or from a place that you believe should be what you want...it WILL NOT HAPPEN. And you will be spending lots of time being frustrated and angry and that will only bring more things in your life that make you frustrated and angry. So, the moral...if you're out there trying to make something happen over and over and it's hard work and nothing every seems to come from it but misery...I would challenge you and say...guess what?

You don't really want that thing.

You only think you do.

2. You have to ask yourself some hard questions. You have to dig really deep. You have to break down all the bullshit in your life. And then get ABSOLUTELY CLEAR about what you want. Not what you think you want. (see question number one..)

3. Take opportunities as they come. My new motto: if it feels good, do it. If not, it's coming from a shallow place. You know the difference. You really do. It's all about gut feelings and the decision shouldn't be hard to make.

4. Always remember that the inside picture might not match the outside picture. Meaning? What you manifest might have a different shape, a different color, a different image than what you believed in your mind. Don't run from it. Your mind is a powerful thing. Most of the images you probably see are coming from 'the shallows'. The Universe follows the feelings behind it. I guarantee you, it will bring you what you want, it'll bring you THE FEELING, not the exact replica. So - get your feelings pure. Make sure your intention is the honest one. Otherwise, it'll simply bring you all those negative feelings you're trying to manifest your way out of.

5. Trust.

The world doesn't work on a timeline. We do. Some things happen fast. Some things happen slow. Either way, it's coming if you keep doing the work. Try not to back peddle. Clarity of intention is the key. That's the real secret. That's why those boards work for so many people. They remind them consistently about what they want. They keep the answers crisp in their minds. Can I say that I've got everything I desire in my life right now? No way. Not even close. But what I can say is, every decision I've made in the last several months has come from the most honest place I could find inside. I don't know where they will lead me. Some shoes have fit better than others. I'm still looking for that 'sweet spot' in my life but I know now that whatever I choose in the future will be better and better and sweeter and sweeter because I'm in the flow and that's what counts.

So GET CLEAR people.

Get rid of the baggage.

Keep moving forward.

Live as much as you can IN THE MOMENT. The future is a big pit of dis-satisfaction if you liver there all the time (i mean, how can you be satisfied when you are always wanting to be somewhere else?)

Don't worry if the picture of your life isn't the way you dreamed it would LOOK. Ask yourself...Are the feelings there? You're probably on your way and you just didn't know it.

The only thing I've ever really wanted was peace of mind. It actually feels possible right now.

It's happening.

And the funny thing is...the world I see is actually a lot less complicated than I ever imagined.

Peace and Hope and Crazy Visualization.......

What a f**kin' ride, baby!

...And I would go even further to say, Life is about opening yourself up to every possibility....

So, I had dinner last night with my oldest friend in the world. We've been trying to meet up once a week to shoot the shit and catch up and finally spend some time together when both our lives have suddenly become so crazy busy (ah, the life of grown-ups).

Yesterday was one of those bad days. You know the kind...depressed for no reason, feelin' really sorry for myself, worked sucked kind of days. I hate those days. Really. Hate them.

But my friend called me up and reminded me about our night so I decided that some time away from the house would be good. Get me out and about for a change.

I walked into the dinner a sad sack and left a new woman.

I know that sounds dramatic but it's so true. She single-handledly (just by listening to me for almost three hours) broke down years of self abuse and craziness that has been holding me back from my life.

We were a great team, really. We made suggestions to help me get started, to help break things down, and venture out into risky territory and I immediately came home and did them and woke up with less of a weight on my shoulders.

Possibility, man...don't ever underestimate how important that is.

She's a great friend.

I can't thank her enough...

The moral of the story is - have dinner with old friends. You just might walk out of it a new person!

Sweaty Summer Heat

It's about 99 degrees here today and I picked this day to be the moment I start Running again. I had forgotten how fucking fabulous that Runner's high feels.

Even in this heat.

Especially in this heat.

Right by the Sea Wall during sunset.

Thank you, Runner's High.

I've missed you.

Welcome back :)

-strange dealings-

....Just when I was about to write a miserable entry about how I can't seem to find happiness, I open my Inbox and here's what I see...

"Bogged down,spinnin' your wheels, out of time, frustrated, stressin'?

It's the details.

You're messin' with the details, which is a 1,000,000 times worse than messin' with Texas.

Messin' with the details is like trying to play tennis with a golf club,

like trying to cook with yesterday's hot stove,

or trying to find meaningful new friends at the mall wearing a chicken suit.

Just get clear on your vision - the end result.

Think, think and let go.

Follow your impulses, do what you can, act as if, and know you've done your part.

The Universe is the detail Queen,a perfectionist extraordinaire.

Delegate.

Brock? (chicken speak)

PS - Of course, there is a time and a place for chicken suits, just not in Texas.

PPS - Remember what was just said about the details."

I was about to jump the plank (figuratively of course). I was about to give up, to dive into that negative abyss of detail after detail after detail. And once again, Mr. (or Mrs. Universe) won't let me.

It's a beautiful thing to have a friendship with the cosmos. It makes you feel a little less alone and a lot more taken care of than you could ever imagine.

So...just a random message. Maybe, to some. Not to me. I get it. I've hopped out of the pity pool. Life is happening and I will keep doing my best to dive in and see the bigger picture. The devil is truly in the details...isn't that what they say? And who the heck wants to side with that guy anyway?

:)

PS - It's the 'Get clear on your vision' thing that is throwing me. I'm still forming what I want. It changes all the time. I think that's why I'm never settled, always restless, and always waiting for the big jackpot that is My Life. How can the Universe provide when it's riding every waning wave I send out and then pull right back in?

T.U.T.

"There's nothing you can ask for that won't set the entire Universe in motion.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing."

So, I get these messages from the Universe in my email every day. Actually, they are generated from a site called Tut.com (Totally Unique Thoughts). Listen, I don't care how the messages come as long as they keep comin', you know?

The weird thing is how accurate they are on the morning I get them...just what I need to hear or some answer to a question I haven't said out loud. It's a cool thing.

I got the one I posted here this morning.

And again, it's kind of perfect.

I've been thinking alot the last couple days about Manifestation - Making things Happen. I've been in waiting mode for a few weeks now. Here's what I learned about waiting mode - NOTHING HAPPENS WHEN YOU WAIT~~

and Stagnation just about kills my soul, man. Really. I know it's necessary. You can't burn bright all the time. It's exhausting. But it's hard for me to sit around waiting for change when it's not happen. Passive Aggressive isn't the path for me.

So, the last couple days my brain has been working in over time. What do I want to bring to my life? Where do I want to be? Sometimes it's small things...for instance, I'm trying to lower my payments to a creditor because their interest rate was KILLING me. I called asking for help and didn't get anywhere. So, I said...'Self, Just believe. You will get this fixed. The answer will come your way. Just believe.' Yesterday, I came home from work and that same company I had asked for help from that wouldn't help me over the phone, sent me my answer in the mail. Pretty cool. I didn't even have to dream that hard for that one.

It reminded me of the Power of Positive thinking.

True Belief that things will work out even when everyone and everything might be telling you 'no.'.

You have to visualize yourself in the moment you want and FEEL like it's already happened to you. That sense of peace should be there before you have a reason for it to be. That's the key I think. I honestly just told myself I wasn't going to worry about that money and just went about my business like I had all the money in the world coming to me. I still don't have it all worked out. YET. But I know I will. And that's all I need to know.

So, as I've started to reawaken to that idea, my dreams have gotten bigger. Maybe not bigger, but focused. Focused on things that I normally try not to focus on. For a number of reasons I guess. I'm not ready. I don't have enough time. I'm too distracted. I have other things I want to happen first. Blah, blah, blah.... enough is enough.

So, I've started focusing on them.

And I'm dreaming big.

Next stop - Visualization.

After That - Looking out.

And Finally - Jackpot.

It's on, baby. It's on...

(wink, wink)

My homework assignment

This is my horoscope for this week.
I have a lot of detection to do!

Sun 1st June - Sat 7th June

The Jupiter/Uranus combination works in many ways for you this week, but you need to listen well to what others tell you. Don't think it's just idle chat or gossip. There's a subliminal message in there somewhere for you, and you just have to find it. It would seem luck and destiny are going all out to find you, but they may be disguised so you'll need all your powers of detection to unearth them. Fate comes in many forms. It can arrive with a fanfare of trumpets or could stealthily slip in unnoticed. It's up to you to locate it. You're heading into a time of great opportunities at work. If they don't spring up, go seek them out. They're there. Recent health niggles seem to be fading away. Let them. Keep overindulgence at arms length or you'll need to hit the gym.

TRY TO--have everything--in moderation