One week. To the day. Broken up.
I’ve been in Milwaukee the last couple days keeping a friend company while she’s on business so I don’t know if it’s just being in a new place that has made the tears slow down and real thinking occur, but either way, I’m not going to argue.
Tears suck! (Don’t they?) Even if they do feel better. (and they do)
I still talk to him. Every day. Maybe that makes it harder for us, I have no idea. The truth is, I’m not fully ready to let him go. He’s been in my life 24 hours a day straight for almost a year pretty much. It’s hard. Just because a relationship isn’t working, doesn’t mean you stop caring and even loving that person.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I care deeply about what happens to him. That’s not ever going to change. That’s all there is to it. But I’m also bracing myself for the day when one of us decides enough is enough and needs to cut the ties. Ugh. Secretly, I kind of hope it’s me first but I have a feeling that I’ll be hanging on harder than him in that case. We will tackle that day when it comes. Um. Ok. I’LL tackle that day when it comes. (Yikes. Old habits die hard).
But I also see it all for what it is, and he and I have seemed to come to an agreement: even though we love eachother, space and time and genuine work on ourselves is the best option. And I’m ready now.
You know, I’m a believer in fate. I think things happen for a reason. And I know in my heart that we met to change eachother’s lives, to awaken eachother to the pieces that were broken and illuminate change. I can’t really speak for him, but I know he did that for me.
He taught me about self worth. What I deserve. How I envision my life being for the next 80 years. Communication. Honesty. You know, all that good stuff. And he taught me that I take the easy way out. And he was right. He is right. And I’m going to do my darndest to stop that pattern.
On the plane I started the book “It’s called a break-up because it’s broken.” It’s written by the guy who wrote “he’s just not that into you,” and it’s an amazing book! It was exactly what I needed to read.
The point is that instead of thinking of this shitty situation (and it is a very shitty situation) as a break-up, think of it as a Break-Over, an opportunity for transformation. Get off your butt. Make yourself the shining star you could be and could’ve been before you spent all your time and energy trying to fix a dying relationship.
And that’s what I intend to do. Easier said than done maybe but I don’t know, it’s time. It’s time to do the work. Get my finances in order. Maybe go back to school. Drop that 40 pounds I keep saying is going to come off. Write. Get the dust off my bike and maybe join an outdoor club. See more movies. Talk to strangers. Maybe kick a little ass at my job for a change.
Who knows?
Possibilities are endless.
And that’s a cool feeling.
It really is.
It’s not a break-up. It’s a break-over.
Yeah. I like the sound of that!
I’ve been in Milwaukee the last couple days keeping a friend company while she’s on business so I don’t know if it’s just being in a new place that has made the tears slow down and real thinking occur, but either way, I’m not going to argue.
Tears suck! (Don’t they?) Even if they do feel better. (and they do)
I still talk to him. Every day. Maybe that makes it harder for us, I have no idea. The truth is, I’m not fully ready to let him go. He’s been in my life 24 hours a day straight for almost a year pretty much. It’s hard. Just because a relationship isn’t working, doesn’t mean you stop caring and even loving that person.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I care deeply about what happens to him. That’s not ever going to change. That’s all there is to it. But I’m also bracing myself for the day when one of us decides enough is enough and needs to cut the ties. Ugh. Secretly, I kind of hope it’s me first but I have a feeling that I’ll be hanging on harder than him in that case. We will tackle that day when it comes. Um. Ok. I’LL tackle that day when it comes. (Yikes. Old habits die hard).
But I also see it all for what it is, and he and I have seemed to come to an agreement: even though we love eachother, space and time and genuine work on ourselves is the best option. And I’m ready now.
You know, I’m a believer in fate. I think things happen for a reason. And I know in my heart that we met to change eachother’s lives, to awaken eachother to the pieces that were broken and illuminate change. I can’t really speak for him, but I know he did that for me.
He taught me about self worth. What I deserve. How I envision my life being for the next 80 years. Communication. Honesty. You know, all that good stuff. And he taught me that I take the easy way out. And he was right. He is right. And I’m going to do my darndest to stop that pattern.
On the plane I started the book “It’s called a break-up because it’s broken.” It’s written by the guy who wrote “he’s just not that into you,” and it’s an amazing book! It was exactly what I needed to read.
The point is that instead of thinking of this shitty situation (and it is a very shitty situation) as a break-up, think of it as a Break-Over, an opportunity for transformation. Get off your butt. Make yourself the shining star you could be and could’ve been before you spent all your time and energy trying to fix a dying relationship.
And that’s what I intend to do. Easier said than done maybe but I don’t know, it’s time. It’s time to do the work. Get my finances in order. Maybe go back to school. Drop that 40 pounds I keep saying is going to come off. Write. Get the dust off my bike and maybe join an outdoor club. See more movies. Talk to strangers. Maybe kick a little ass at my job for a change.
Who knows?
Possibilities are endless.
And that’s a cool feeling.
It really is.
It’s not a break-up. It’s a break-over.
Yeah. I like the sound of that!
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